An Unexpected Tale of Transformation

A little glimpse into my 8 week experience during Round 1 of the collective. 💥

From start to finish, this program felt like pure magic to my mind, body and spirit. It was so fun to finally do a full program with you. Usually by week 3-4 I’m moving onto planning the next thing, and our slower pace this year has felt so DAMN GOOD.

I knew this program was going to transform my physical body. Week after week I packed your movement practices full of strategy. I loved witnessing how you were able to  show up + take every challenge head on. I know some weeks felt perfectly aligned to your tastes, and others took some extra work to calibrate to. You did amazing. Xx 

For those who love stats, and for those who really need to see evidence of transformation potential: I released weight, toned from head to toe, improved my posture, and even my skin tone/clarity improved. I lost 16 pounds in 8 weeks (I only stepped on a scale before week 1 + at the end of Week 8.). No dieting. No extra cardio or workouts. To be honest, I didn’t even do the META classes. Just the 40 min MOVE practice 4-5x a week. 

I was ready for this shift. I’ve been laser focused on my inner glow, healing + growth for the first half of the year. (Thx to the ass-kicking of 2020 for showing me all the ways in which I needed to glow up.) Before we started the collective, I gave my body permission to let go. I firmly believe that excess physical layers = emotions. In my case, the extra layers represented a story that I no longer wish to tell. 

Which brings me to the best part of my transformation.
I finally got to say “The End” to a story I’ve been telling myself for years. Decades perhaps. 

The thing is, I’ve been here before. I’ve “transformed” oodles of times. So many times that you could say my career/leadership has focused more on the comeback than on consistently standing in my wholeness + worthiness. Oof. That's not great for leadership. My energy should be something you feel inspired to calibrate to. It should be something you can always count on. 

Somewhere along the way, my sense of self became tied to struggling. 

I have always been fixing something, healing something, coming back from this, bouncing back from that -- and it’s always spun into some inspirational tale. There are worse things in the world, but I can’t have my self-worth tethered to struggle. It’s as if in order to show that I’m worthy of success, I have to prove that I’ve endured hardship, heartbreak and loss. Umm, we all have. Everyone experiences hardship, and these days it feels like that's the IN for bonding with other women. It's easy to bond over struggle, gossip and sob stories. Not so easy to stand in a room full of women and share how you're killing it in life. (But why is that?!)  

In fact everywhere I turn these days, I find a woman sharing her story of struggle. Every other post on social media is about something she’s fixing, a great comeback or triumph. The comment section is filled with praise! It’s rare that I see a woman standing in all of her glory + wholeness, without a back story proving she’s worthy of how she arrived in such a place.  And when I do, she’s usually being knocked down in the comment section for being “too much”. And 99% of those comments are from women. 

The evidence says:

If I stay in the struggle, play small, and if I stay stuck -- I avoid the criticism.
If I stay in the struggle, play small, and if I stay stuck -- I’m more relatable to the masses. 

If I stay in the struggle, play small, and if I stay stuck -- I also miss out on my whole goddamn life. Never allowing myself to reach for greatness diminishes my life to a string of people pleasing, ‘Plan B’s and regret. 

And the reality is, it’s a huge slap in the face to God, who placed me here on a big mission.
I’m not here to play small. I’m a Leo for fucks sake. The world is my stage. 

So where does this leave me?
I’ll tell you where -- in the exciting (+ slightly terrifying) unknown. Because now, instead of enjoying a few weeks in this new body only to retreat back to the shadows -- I’m full steam ahead. I no longer want my comebacks to be the source of inspiration. I'll still touch on my experiences, but the inspiration needs to come from a place of embodiment and mastery.

The results of this collective gave me a glimpse into my potential, and I want more. Specifically, I want more hotness, for no other reason than, well...I want to be hot. I’m talking head-turning smoke show level of hotness. The how in the hell is she 41/I want whatever she’s having level of hotness. ;) 

And I know what you’re thinking -- I’m not supposed to say that.
It’s vain! It’s not important! It’s triggering! Stay small, Jenn! 

My message within movement is supposed to be profound, inspired, and rooted in the idea that movement is NOT for physical pursuits -- but for joy, happiness and health. 

Yes, yes. All of that.
AND HOTNESS. 

It doesn’t have to be your goal.
But it’s mine for right now, and I own it. 

I LOVE IT. I am living for this next, lighter chapter. For decades my goals have been so heavy. Healing from trauma, childhood wounds, health issues, the past, my failures -- it’s done. Much of this has been healed + released. Much of it was never meant to be fixed or healed in the first place. At the end of the day, it’s okay if parts of ourselves are messy + raw. That’s what makes us human.

The other day someone said something to me that threw me for a loop. We were talking about a few big things coming up in September (including something that will put hundreds of thousands of eyes on my work) and she said “I hope you don’t change.” 

I smiled, and replied with “I hope I do!”
Change is good. Evolution is good. Self-love is never stagnant. 

With that, I bid farewell to the struggle. I retire my crown as the comeback queen. I untether from the past and my addiction to using it to prove why I am here. 

And I root down in my divine birthright -- wholeness, worthiness, love and belonging.
Ahem, and hotness. ;) 

Xo