Life Lessons :)

At age 19 I was carrying 100 extra pounds on my frame.

This was the year I knowingly disconnected from my body due to trauma, and stepped into the fire. I would stay there, burning and battling myself for 20 years. 

During that time I was caught up in a vicious cycle that I see so many women experiencing today. 

I based my happiness on what my body looked like, with one catch: I didn’t believe I was worthy of happiness. 

This translated to a never-ending search for the perfect program and perfect body, all the while knowing that I would never allow myself to follow through. I would let myself settle in + make progress, and then I would sabotage. Over and over and over again. 

In one part of that cycle I was pouring myself into my work, teaching 3-5 fitness classes a day. My sabotage was no match for my sweat equity, so naturally -- my body shrunk. I was tinier than I had ever been. I had reached that ‘perfect body’ and found praise everywhere I turned. 

Guess what? I still wasn’t happy. In fact, I was more miserable than ever.

I don’t share this era of my life often enough.
I don’t like to dwell on the past, but it’s important that you know of my struggles, failures, and breakdowns. 

You need to know that I’ve been through the fire, so that I can tell you the most important thing of all -- what it feels like to walk out, and meet yourself on the other side. 

You aren’t looking at a woman who leads by perfection.
You’re looking at a woman who leads by perseverance. I lead right now for one reason, and one reason only: I’m passionate about getting us all to the other side. I want every single person to know what it feels like to come out the other side, connect with herself, and come home to her body. 

I will never know your exact experiences, but I most definitely know what it feels like to be disconnected from self. I understand deep in my body what it feels like to constantly start and stop, and to self-sabotage. I know what it feels like to want a different outcome, but to never be able to do the things needed to make that come true. 

And I know that so often, all of the above is withheld from us when we place all of our worth + happiness in what our physical shell looks like. To me, that isn’t choosing self-love. That’s chasing something outside of ourselves. 

It doesn’t mean you can’t want something different. Whether it’s a toned tush or abs, whatever. Go for it. Just don’t root your happiness there. When we place our happiness in an end result, or place expectations on our body -- we miss the experience of life. And that, as we all know -- is just too precious to miss out on. 

xx